So last week I promised my all-star soccer team of "players in other sports", a concept that I blatantly stole from the Sports Guy over at ESPN. Without further ado, here it is. A few notes before we get started: 1) It would be very easy to simply put NBA freaks like Dwight Howard and Lebron on this team, but you have to look at things like body type and mass. Guys with heavy BMIs don't tend to work so well in a sport that depends on endurance. 2) I am going with a standard 4-4-2, it will be the easiest way to organize the team, and this formation is generally what you see Team USA operate out of. 3) I am going to try and account for things Bob Bradley likes, such as overlap from defensive backs, counterattacking offense, and a physical target man to maintain possession up top. 4) Beyond the 3rd grade I have never played soccer. The game is still new to me, and I am constantly learning. If any of my eurotrash readers or soccer-snob friends have further input, if is very much appreciated. Finally: 5) I am not going to use Nate Robinson or Allen Iverson, two guys who fit what Simmons is trying to do to a T. If I am going to shamelessly borrow his idea, I have to do it on my own merits. Take a look at what I came up with:
Goalkeeper: Take a look at the best goalkeepers in the world, for argument's sake we will grab USA's Tim Howard, Edwin Van der Sar of Netherlands, Petr Cech of the Czech Republic, Ricky Kingson of Ghana, Fabian Barthez of France, and Gigi Buffon of Italy. Chances are, aside from knowing who maybe 3 of those guys are, you don't have a means to discern between members of this group. I'll break it down for you: Barthez, who you may remember as the Paul Schaffer lookalike in 2006, and Kingson stand at roughly 5'11. The rest are big dudes, with Van der Sar topping out at 6'6. At this position I am looking for an athletic, above the rim athlete with the fast-twitch muscle coordination to hit the deck when necessary.
My Choice: Richard Jefferson, San Antonio Spurs. RJ stands at about 6'7, which isn't a huge stretch, and actually weighs less than America's backup, a creepy guy named Marcus Hahnemann. Jefferson is one of the notable dunkers in the NBA, plays hard, and at 29 has the necessary maturity to hold down the fort between the pipes. I toyed with Shawn Marion, a better athlete with the same dimensions, but with some of the guys on this team you can't toy with chemistry.
Right Back: At right back you want a stable, composed player who is capable of joining in on the attack. Size is nice, but not necessary. Our Yanks will likely trot out 5'6 Steve Cherundolo. 'Dolo is a stout defender, capable tackler and can provide a spark on offense.
My Choice: Antoine Winfield, Minnesota Vikings. Regarded as one of the all-time great run stopping corners, Winfield provides plenty of coverage and has experience dropping back to slow down breakaways (think deep routes in football). Winfield plays within himself, is rarely 'booked' (Pass interference) and has a nose for the ball in big moments. The college version of this squad would feature Trevin Wade of Arizona, but hes too young. For now I keep him on the under-21 team to get him consistent run.
Center Back: For my first center back, I want a physical athlete who knows how to get position when the ball is in the air, is comfortable in dangerous situations, throws elbows without getting caught, and make plays when the opportunity presents itself. For the States, its going to be the 6'4, 235 pound specimen Oguchi Onyewu.
My Choice: Ed Reed, Baltimore Ravens. E Reed is a potential hall of fame safety for the Ravens, an outfit best known for attention to defense and focus during periods of adversity. Reed has proven himself to be a leader who rises to the occasion in the Red Zone, is rarely flagged, and has several of the longest defensive touchdowns in league history. #20 might just get to don the captains armband for my squad.
'Other" Center Back: At this spot I am looking for a little bit more of a pure cover-man, someone who can isolate the premier striker for an England or a Spain, and effectively remove them from the game.
My Choice: Darrelle Revis, New York Jets. Revis is at his best operating on an island in man coverage, draping his 6'1 frame over receivers and reducing even the brightest star receivers to bit roles. I like his size and speed, as he has the goods to keep pace with a Wayne Rooney, Fernando Torres or Cristiano Ronaldo.
Left Back: This is the position most teams really struggle with. Proving yourself capable at left back ensures years of job security, even if you're not as competent as your teammates. The Netherlands will trot out Gio van Bronckhorst, who is about 3000 years old. Why? Because it is very difficult to train for this position. If he played any other position besides left back, America's Jonathan Bornstein would be watching Saturday's game on a couch in Reseda. (Note to Bornstein: please do that) If helps to be left footed here, and quick, as left backs tend to match up with the most dangerous wingers (look up Aaron Lennon on YouTube to get an idea what I am talking about).
My Choice: Brandon Jennings, Milwaukee Bucks. Young Money is maybe the most dynamic left handed point guard in the NBA. In addition to his left-handedness, Brandon brings all sorts of flair and personality to the table, which really lends itself to soccer like no other team sport. I can just see the nearly Wildcat and his '80s high top fade streaking down the sidelines, stealing the ball from an Italian (who then switches to the 'shot in the back' defense as he waits for the magic spray) and running all the way towards goal, before makes a crazy pass or fakes somebody out of their shorts. His end-to-end speed, flair, handedness, and creativity bode very well for the beautiful game.
Right Midfield: I will use this position as an attacker, similar to the way Coach Bob Bradley will utilize Landon Donovan. I am looking for pure speed. As I just said, left defensive back is the easiest position to trouble, so I am looking for someone who can run circles around defenders, track down deep passes from USA's half, and draw fouls.
My Choice: DeSean Jackson, Philadelphia Eagles. I first became enamored with Jackson's game as a high school senior in 2004, when he ran a 4.29 40 at a Los Angeles 7-on-7 tournament. From there, it was a matter of Jackson creating highlight reel plays, making defenders look foolish, and always being a threat to score. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJAlcMyVsdI&feature=related -disregard the late penalty) As a wide receiver, Desean knows how to draw penalties and put his team in a better position to score. I can't think of a better training ground to become a flopping soccer player than playing wide receiver in the flag-happy PAC-10. At about 170 pounds, He might be the only guy on the team who fits the standard dimensions of his position.
Center Midfield: Many of the great teams have a guy pulling all the strings from center mid, coordinating the attack, and really calling the game in a manner similar to a catcher or point guard. Look no further than Germany's Michael Ballack, or Spain's diminutive Xavi. While he may not be the goal scorer, everything but the finish is thanks to the man at center mid.
My Choice: Rajon Rondo, Boston Celtics. With apologies to Simmons, I had to get this guy on the team. I love his defense, I love his attitude, he is a great passer, and when the time is right he is a scorer. I picture Rondo as the free kick specialist of this team, and I see him slotting guys like Desean Jackson behind the defenses on great services. (I really wanted to write services. In the video game, they are through balls, diagonal passes, oftentimes with spin, that evade defenders and work themselves to a streaking attacker. {Ignore the miss, focus on Xavi's pass: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FCm4k_m_qg}) Rondo would be more in the Steven Gerrard mold, however, as almost a withdrawn striker. Either way, this is a guy who can split a defense apart with the perfect pass, and finishes at the rim (goal) like no other 6'3 pro can.
Center Defensive Midfielder: For this spot I want a guy who provides some cover when defenders, like a potentially overzealous Jennings, decide to join in on the offensive. The United States will probably use Ricardo Clark here. Ricardo is one of the faster players on the field, who has no problem mixing it up with larger players, and is a good tackler.
My Choice: Bob Sanders, Indianapolis Colts. While his 5'8 height may scare people off, I see Bob as the x-factor on this team. For one thing, none of my forwards are going to be messed with as long as Demond (that is his real name) is on the field. He plays much bigger than his height, but also has a low center of gravity combined with superhuman strength. I really doubt Italy's Danielle deRossi or Ghana's Sulley Muntari would have a shot at knocking him off the ball. Most importantly, Bob is great against the run in football. The way he makes tackles and takes angles, in this guy opinion, translates directly into providing a helping hand for defenders.
Left Midfield: Here I am opting for another burner, with a slightly different skill set than Jackson. I want a complete player who can make diagonal runs supporting the strikers, but can also make tackles early and disrupt potential counters and rushes by our opponents.
My Choice: Devin Hester. First off, NEVER KICK TO HESTER HES SO DANGEROUS!!!!!! The guy was the first 100 speed in Madden for a reason. Pure jets. Hester is a versatile enough athlete that the Bears can't find enough ways to get him the ball, which is too bad for them because the Bears otherwise have an awful team. I like the appeal of an agile punt return type on the wing, I like his physical nature to keep him on the ball, and it wouldn't be soccer without at least one head of dreadlocks. His experience as a college cornerback tells me he would be excellent when the ball is near our goal, defending corners/free kicks. He probably is also crazy enough to stand in the wall.
Right Forward: This is the 'target forward' spot, which Bob Bradley just loves. The target forward's job is to receive long passes, hold the ball up for the cavalry to show up, draw contact, and chip in cheap goals. Anything else is a bonus. This is why Brian Ching nearly made it onto the plane for South Africa. I am looking for a little more speed and creativity, but for the most part I like what the target forward brings to the table.
My Choice: Chad Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals. (I refuse to call him Ochocinco. It is stupid and gets in the way of the NFL, which in my opinion is turning too much into a soap opera, taking away from a truly great game played at the highest level. Chad Johnson it is.) His soccer background is well documented, and 85 has been spotted dribbling around in warmups before Bengals games. While his ball-handling skills won't blow you away, lets imagine a guy with this size, speed and coordination growing up at one of those youth academies English and Spanish teams have. He would be nothing short of outstanding. I love Jozy Altidore's game, but can you imagine if he was 25 pounds heavier, and much faster? Johnson would be great at receiving passes, he is big enough not to be knocked off the ball, and there's no question hes another receiver who could master diving.
Left Forward: For my final slot on the field, I am looking for a compact, muscular, speedy guy who can collect the ball like a midfielder would and go on perfect runs. Look up Wayne Rooney to see exactly what I want from this position.
My Choice: Darren Sproles, San Diego Chargers. Sproles is electrifying, strong, fast, and has beaten the odds to become a critical player in the National Football League. If a 5'5 guy can make it in that league, why not soccer? Rooney is roughly 5'10, however the player he often teams with, Jermain Defoe, stands 5'6 and weighs about 140 lbs. Sproles won't be much of a threat in the air, but I have no doubt his agility and creativity would provide more than enough offense on counterattacks and defensive breakdowns, which he is more than capable of creating by himself. Oregon State's 'Quizz Rodgers is another member of the under-21 team, waiting his turn for the big time.
Subs:
Goalkeeper: Champ Bailey (Denver Broncos), Denard Span (Minnesota Twins/obligatory baseball pick)
Defense: Antonio Cromartie (New York Jets), Chauncey Billups (Denver Nuggets), Steve Blake (Portland Trail Blazers), Russell Westbrook (Oklahoma City Thunder)
Midfield: Stephen Curry (Golden State Warriors), Percy Harvin (Minnesota Vikings), Chris Johnson (Tennessee Titans), Maurice Drew (Jacksonville Jaguars), Reggie Bush (New Orleans Saints)
Forward: Sidney Rice (Minnesota Vikings), Wes Welker (New England Patriots)
That's 24, one more than the allotted roster. Whatever
There you have it. While I recognize just how many directions you could take this, I think this is a reasonable team of great athletes, who are of realistic sizes, who could have made outstanding soccer players. I can't say that I am unhappy with our guys who did pick the global game, and I hope you look forward to watching the upcoming games as much as I do.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
In Todays News...
I would like to congratulate Joran van der Sloot on becoming the absolute scum of the earth. We all remember the disappearance of Natalee Holloway back in 2005, which not only established the young Dutch brat as a psychopath but devastated the economy of the entire island. Sadly, Holloway was never found, however our boy Joran admitted to an undercover reporter that he was, while not directly to blame for her death, responsible for getting rid of her body and trying to cover it up. Alas, his daddy was able to make any trouble disappear, and as time has passed, much of what may or may not have happened on Aruba has been largely forgotten.
Alas, on the anniversary of Natalee's disappearance, the Aruban youth has been named the primary suspect in another girls death, this time in Peru. Stefany Ramirez was found bloodied in stabbed to death in a room that van der Sloot had booked, and I don't think its any coincidence that he has spent the past 24 hours high-tailing it across South America. Lets all have faith that INTERPOL finds this scumbag and he can finally account for his deeds. The world just doesn't need to have sociopaths like this guy running free. I can't wait for him to be caught, and I hope that this piece of fat, G Unit wannabe Eurotrash is ready for Peruvian jail.
Ken Griffey Junior retired. Whether its his awesome swing, or that "good hustle" encouragement he gave you in the video game, there is no doubt that anyone born between 1978 and 1990 can thank Junior Griffey for some great memories. However, I have seen a lot of "the only clean legend" type statuses up tonight, which makes me wonder about a few things. While I don't suspect the guy was juicing, how can we be so sure? He checks in at 6'3, 230, which is hardly a scrawny build for any sport, and actually makes him larger than many linebackers in the NFL. He also was injured constantly during the 1990s, his career spanning roughly the same time frame as Sammy Sosa, Jason Giambi, Barry Bonds, Raffy Palmeiro, McGwire, and all the other known 'roiders who have come to light during the past few years. While age is a significant factor, Griffey has been far from effective, only topping .300 once in a season since 1997. Finally, lets remember that not all of the guys who tested positive for 'roids were beefy home run hitters. The first active player to test positive was Alex Sanchez, who checked in at a whopping 5'8, 155. Marvin Benard was nothing more than a fat, garbage leadoff hitter. Or CDO's own Jerry Hairston, or that annoying 2nd baseman Fernando Vina, or Rondell White, or Nook Logan... the list goes on and on. Point is, Griffey was a great player, and while there is no evidence implicating him in any big, juicing scheme, baseball is a game built on shenanigans and cheating. (see: hidden ball trick) It isn't fair to baseball, and the other players of the era, to simply give Griffey a free pass. That is all.
Bill Simmons attempted to make an all-star soccer team of American athletes whose skill sets lend themselves to the beautiful game. Tomorrow, I create the entire squad, possibly including substitutes if time permits. Keep it real out there in job-land, and keep a seat warm for me.
Alas, on the anniversary of Natalee's disappearance, the Aruban youth has been named the primary suspect in another girls death, this time in Peru. Stefany Ramirez was found bloodied in stabbed to death in a room that van der Sloot had booked, and I don't think its any coincidence that he has spent the past 24 hours high-tailing it across South America. Lets all have faith that INTERPOL finds this scumbag and he can finally account for his deeds. The world just doesn't need to have sociopaths like this guy running free. I can't wait for him to be caught, and I hope that this piece of fat, G Unit wannabe Eurotrash is ready for Peruvian jail.
Ken Griffey Junior retired. Whether its his awesome swing, or that "good hustle" encouragement he gave you in the video game, there is no doubt that anyone born between 1978 and 1990 can thank Junior Griffey for some great memories. However, I have seen a lot of "the only clean legend" type statuses up tonight, which makes me wonder about a few things. While I don't suspect the guy was juicing, how can we be so sure? He checks in at 6'3, 230, which is hardly a scrawny build for any sport, and actually makes him larger than many linebackers in the NFL. He also was injured constantly during the 1990s, his career spanning roughly the same time frame as Sammy Sosa, Jason Giambi, Barry Bonds, Raffy Palmeiro, McGwire, and all the other known 'roiders who have come to light during the past few years. While age is a significant factor, Griffey has been far from effective, only topping .300 once in a season since 1997. Finally, lets remember that not all of the guys who tested positive for 'roids were beefy home run hitters. The first active player to test positive was Alex Sanchez, who checked in at a whopping 5'8, 155. Marvin Benard was nothing more than a fat, garbage leadoff hitter. Or CDO's own Jerry Hairston, or that annoying 2nd baseman Fernando Vina, or Rondell White, or Nook Logan... the list goes on and on. Point is, Griffey was a great player, and while there is no evidence implicating him in any big, juicing scheme, baseball is a game built on shenanigans and cheating. (see: hidden ball trick) It isn't fair to baseball, and the other players of the era, to simply give Griffey a free pass. That is all.
Bill Simmons attempted to make an all-star soccer team of American athletes whose skill sets lend themselves to the beautiful game. Tomorrow, I create the entire squad, possibly including substitutes if time permits. Keep it real out there in job-land, and keep a seat warm for me.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Where should loyalties lie?
Hello all,
I hope you are enjoying this beautiful spring, and if its anything like what we are getting in Tucson you don't have any excuse to stay inside. El nino, or la nina, whoever, finally decided to skip town and what we are left with is a seemingly never ending streak of perfect days. On to today's topic. With the 2010 World Cup coming up in a few weeks, I figured it was time to get going and give you guys some literature to feed on. Today I am going to be discussing race, ethnicity, and culture, and how often the lines can be blurred for the sake of adding offense to a team.
Historically, the World Cup is an event where 32 countries gather their top soccer talent, hoping to be victorious in one of the most spectacular sporting events on the calendar. Every tournament, we are treated to games featuring teams across the globe from one another, and we all witness the contrasting styles of play. Whether its the 2002 Korea-Italy game, or maybe Ecuador over Poland in 2006, there is such a diverse palate of uniforms, chants, hairstyles.(google "Taribo West", and after that google "Jeff Agoos 2002") If that still isn't enough, every European side will feature enough mullets to make you think your at a John Deere convention.
Goofy stuff aside, the world is a shrinking place, and now more than ever people are moving from one part of the world to another in search of a better life. This is awesome, and in this man's opinion speaks to the American dream translating across international borders. People should be willing to accept others for what they bring to the table rather than an antiquated perception. In soccer (I won't call it football, sorry) we are beginning to see by-products of immigration. Germany has featured several players of Turkish, Ghanian, and Nigerian extraction, notably up and comers Mesut Ozil, Jerome Boateng, and Dennis Aogo. All three of these guys were born in Germany, raised in Germany, and by all accounts should be considered German. The United States features several players who are either the sons of immigrants or immigrants themselves. (German midfielder Jermaine Jones, the son of a G.I. who spent a few years as a child in Chicago, just missed the cut for the States).
Unfortunately, the lines are beginning to be blurred, loopholes are being found, and players are finding international duty to be an offshoot of club soccer. Personally, I am of the belief that you either play for your country, or you give yourself a chance to play internationally if suiting up for the home side isn't realistic. So I can't be mad at Englishmen Emmerson Boyce since he decided to play for Barbados, or Colin Richards (Kazim Kazim) for donning the red and white of Turkey. However, there are some players who just don't quite seem to grasp the concept of international soccer. I am going to provide several examples of players who have (or had) an option to don the country which raised them, and either opted to play elsewhere, haven't decided, or made the tough call to stay home. Let me know what you think.
Quincy Owusu-Abeyie: Better known as Quincy, this 24 year old winger was born and raised in Amsterdam. Quincy played in the youth system in the Netherlands for his whole career, and had a prolific spell on their under-21 team. However, when it came time to select where he would be receiving his international caps, rather than donning a loud, flashy Orange kit Quincy opted to ply his trade for the "Black Stars" of Ghana. (Which brings me to another google search: team names of soccer teams. Seriously, do it right now) While I have no issue playing for a nation you are eligible for, it doesn't sit well with me that young Quincy has opted to play for a country that he had never even been to before suiting up for its all-star team.
Mario Balotelli: Super Mario was born in Palermo, Italy to Ghanian parents. His parents quickly abandoned him and he was adopted by an Italian family. Due to a loophole in the Italian citizenship policy, which strangely wasn't so slow for Brazillian Amauri, Mario was not an Italian citizen until he became 18. However, he attended Italian schools, speaks Italian, and is clearly well-versed on Italian culture. While the 19 year old is regarded as possibly the top teenage soccer prospect on earth, the Internazionale striker has yet to be well-received by his own people. While it certainly doesn't help his cause that he is a drama-queen and seems to take a page out of Terrell Owens playbook, the troubles of 6'4 Balotelli are no doubt exacerbated by incredibly disgusting fans. Several of his games have been stopped while he was serenaded by the "There is no black Italian" chant. Once this kid gets his head screwed on correctly, and I think that he will, nothing would please me more than watching this Afro-Italian shutting a bunch of bigoted psychos up for good.
Owen Hargreaves: Owen just recently returned to the pitch for the first time in many moons, completing rehabilitation following an october 2008 knee injury. The clever, end to end midfielder is a mainstay for his club, Manchester United, and the English national team when healthy. Theres only one problem: Owen is from Calgary. As in, Canada. He is the greatest player ever to rise through the ranks of Canadian soccer, and never even gave a thought to playing for that big red leaf. Truth is, his original plan was to play for Wales (his father is Welsh) but they might be a sorrier club than the Canadians. To this day, Hargreaves is the only player to play for England without living there, achieved in 2001 before he came up with Man U. (Another funny soccery thing to say). Am I the only one who thinks he should have sucked it up and made his country better, like Ryan Giggs did when he opted to play for Wales and miss every world cup since the 80s? You tell me.
Giuseppe Rossi: Honestly, this kid is the reason why I wrote this column, and I will do my best to keep it to relevant information. Young Giuseppe was born in Teaneck, New Jersey. While I am not a huge fan of New Jersey, it is safely within the confines of the United States and therefore it is a great place. His parent's were immigrants from Italy, who settled in the United States in search of a better life, eventually settling in the Jerz and teaching English at a local high school. Somewhere around the time he was a teenager, his father (a soccer coach) noticed his kid had game and opted to move him to Europe to maximize his potential. They moved to Italy, but he was immediately snatched up by Manchester United, where he made his debut, before moving on to Spanish side Villareal. By my scoring, he lived in the United States around 12 years, plans to live there after his career, trained in England, and earns stacks in Spain. I get that he feels a certain bond to the Azzurri. Outside of Brazil they are the best team of all time. Every time they play on TV that annoying girl you know that studied in Florence or wherever for 3 months puts up Azzurri statuses. They have a much larger profile. But buddy, your teammates call you "America" for a reason. Giuseppe has a Jersey accent, dedicated his goals against the United States to his 'boys' in America, has avoided the Eurotrash mullet, and dresses like that kid in your high school who always tried to flash gang signs in pictures. Your an American, Giuseppe. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so good. This is a guy who has the potential, had he chosen another path, to make soccer cool in the United States, get more games on TV, and sell those weird socks that soccer kids love. This is a guy who can take on teams like Brazil, England and Spain, and single-handedly swing the outcome of the game. But hey, he 'felt Italian on the pitch'. Whatever, man.
I also find it puzzling that Azzurri fans are so quick to accept a kid who hasn't spent more than a few months of his life in Italy as one of their own, but not a guy who was born in Italy and has literally spent his whole life there. Let's hope Super Mario can change that soon.
Osaze Peter Odemwingie: Born in Tashkent to a Nigerian father and Russian mother while it was still a part of the Soviet Union, the Trey Songz lookalike spent most of his childhood in and around Moscow. He got his start in the Belgian league, moving quickly up to Lille, where he rose to prominence. Osaze is a burner on the wing, who keeps any defensive back on their toes with his deft touch and 'pace' as they call it across the pond. When it came time to pick his international team, he opted against the country of his culture, birth, and where he plays now for the Nigeria Super Eagles. Similar to Quincy, the first time he arrived in his 'country' was for a soccer game. Russia is a country that struggles with xenophobia, neo-Nazis and all around ugly racism. With the success that Victor Keirou and American journeyman J.R. Holden have had on the basketball courts for Russia, it isn't a huge stretch to think that Russian fans would accept one of their own as, well, one of their own. On the football side of things, Osaze is the type of guy who makes the difference between making the World Cup and sitting at home in Siberia in June.
Kevin-Prince Boateng: KP is the brother of previously mentioned Jerome Boateng, who will suit up for Germany in a month. A fiery character who sports maybe the best neck tat in European sports, the Prince has chosen a different path from his brother. Struggling to find his way on the wing for his native Germany, and never appearing in a game, this Boateng has opted to play for Ghana, where his descendants are from, internationally. In a wild turn of events, Germany plays Ghana in group play, which could make the Boateng's the first pair of brothers to face off in the World Cup. I have no problem with his decision, as he was never going to play for Germany, and this is his shot to play a few more games in the summer on ESPN. The only thing that I am concerned about here is the Ghanian federation's tendency to poach players on technicality from other countries. This tactic was used with Quincy, the retired German Otto Addo, and they attempted to lure Balotelli and the kid below over to the Black Stars.
Freddy Adu: Europeans love using Freddy as a retort when we complain about Giuseppe. Here's the difference. Freddy moved stateside from Ghana when he was 5. He came up in American schools. He became a pro in America at 13. He dated that girl JoJo for a few years. If he isn't American, I don't know what is. Freddy hasn't had the success many predicted, but he is still 20 and has time to blossom. Roasted, critics.
Obviously, these guys can play wherever they want to. I just wish that the idea of country was taken a little more seriously. Again, I get the moves that Boateng, Kazim, Emmerson Boyce, and countless Brazilians who moved to Croatia, Japan, or Mexico did to get themselves on the pitch more, but guys like Rossi and Hargreaves are unforgivable.
I hope you are enjoying this beautiful spring, and if its anything like what we are getting in Tucson you don't have any excuse to stay inside. El nino, or la nina, whoever, finally decided to skip town and what we are left with is a seemingly never ending streak of perfect days. On to today's topic. With the 2010 World Cup coming up in a few weeks, I figured it was time to get going and give you guys some literature to feed on. Today I am going to be discussing race, ethnicity, and culture, and how often the lines can be blurred for the sake of adding offense to a team.
Historically, the World Cup is an event where 32 countries gather their top soccer talent, hoping to be victorious in one of the most spectacular sporting events on the calendar. Every tournament, we are treated to games featuring teams across the globe from one another, and we all witness the contrasting styles of play. Whether its the 2002 Korea-Italy game, or maybe Ecuador over Poland in 2006, there is such a diverse palate of uniforms, chants, hairstyles.(google "Taribo West", and after that google "Jeff Agoos 2002") If that still isn't enough, every European side will feature enough mullets to make you think your at a John Deere convention.
Goofy stuff aside, the world is a shrinking place, and now more than ever people are moving from one part of the world to another in search of a better life. This is awesome, and in this man's opinion speaks to the American dream translating across international borders. People should be willing to accept others for what they bring to the table rather than an antiquated perception. In soccer (I won't call it football, sorry) we are beginning to see by-products of immigration. Germany has featured several players of Turkish, Ghanian, and Nigerian extraction, notably up and comers Mesut Ozil, Jerome Boateng, and Dennis Aogo. All three of these guys were born in Germany, raised in Germany, and by all accounts should be considered German. The United States features several players who are either the sons of immigrants or immigrants themselves. (German midfielder Jermaine Jones, the son of a G.I. who spent a few years as a child in Chicago, just missed the cut for the States).
Unfortunately, the lines are beginning to be blurred, loopholes are being found, and players are finding international duty to be an offshoot of club soccer. Personally, I am of the belief that you either play for your country, or you give yourself a chance to play internationally if suiting up for the home side isn't realistic. So I can't be mad at Englishmen Emmerson Boyce since he decided to play for Barbados, or Colin Richards (Kazim Kazim) for donning the red and white of Turkey. However, there are some players who just don't quite seem to grasp the concept of international soccer. I am going to provide several examples of players who have (or had) an option to don the country which raised them, and either opted to play elsewhere, haven't decided, or made the tough call to stay home. Let me know what you think.
Quincy Owusu-Abeyie: Better known as Quincy, this 24 year old winger was born and raised in Amsterdam. Quincy played in the youth system in the Netherlands for his whole career, and had a prolific spell on their under-21 team. However, when it came time to select where he would be receiving his international caps, rather than donning a loud, flashy Orange kit Quincy opted to ply his trade for the "Black Stars" of Ghana. (Which brings me to another google search: team names of soccer teams. Seriously, do it right now) While I have no issue playing for a nation you are eligible for, it doesn't sit well with me that young Quincy has opted to play for a country that he had never even been to before suiting up for its all-star team.
Mario Balotelli: Super Mario was born in Palermo, Italy to Ghanian parents. His parents quickly abandoned him and he was adopted by an Italian family. Due to a loophole in the Italian citizenship policy, which strangely wasn't so slow for Brazillian Amauri, Mario was not an Italian citizen until he became 18. However, he attended Italian schools, speaks Italian, and is clearly well-versed on Italian culture. While the 19 year old is regarded as possibly the top teenage soccer prospect on earth, the Internazionale striker has yet to be well-received by his own people. While it certainly doesn't help his cause that he is a drama-queen and seems to take a page out of Terrell Owens playbook, the troubles of 6'4 Balotelli are no doubt exacerbated by incredibly disgusting fans. Several of his games have been stopped while he was serenaded by the "There is no black Italian" chant. Once this kid gets his head screwed on correctly, and I think that he will, nothing would please me more than watching this Afro-Italian shutting a bunch of bigoted psychos up for good.
Owen Hargreaves: Owen just recently returned to the pitch for the first time in many moons, completing rehabilitation following an october 2008 knee injury. The clever, end to end midfielder is a mainstay for his club, Manchester United, and the English national team when healthy. Theres only one problem: Owen is from Calgary. As in, Canada. He is the greatest player ever to rise through the ranks of Canadian soccer, and never even gave a thought to playing for that big red leaf. Truth is, his original plan was to play for Wales (his father is Welsh) but they might be a sorrier club than the Canadians. To this day, Hargreaves is the only player to play for England without living there, achieved in 2001 before he came up with Man U. (Another funny soccery thing to say). Am I the only one who thinks he should have sucked it up and made his country better, like Ryan Giggs did when he opted to play for Wales and miss every world cup since the 80s? You tell me.
Giuseppe Rossi: Honestly, this kid is the reason why I wrote this column, and I will do my best to keep it to relevant information. Young Giuseppe was born in Teaneck, New Jersey. While I am not a huge fan of New Jersey, it is safely within the confines of the United States and therefore it is a great place. His parent's were immigrants from Italy, who settled in the United States in search of a better life, eventually settling in the Jerz and teaching English at a local high school. Somewhere around the time he was a teenager, his father (a soccer coach) noticed his kid had game and opted to move him to Europe to maximize his potential. They moved to Italy, but he was immediately snatched up by Manchester United, where he made his debut, before moving on to Spanish side Villareal. By my scoring, he lived in the United States around 12 years, plans to live there after his career, trained in England, and earns stacks in Spain. I get that he feels a certain bond to the Azzurri. Outside of Brazil they are the best team of all time. Every time they play on TV that annoying girl you know that studied in Florence or wherever for 3 months puts up Azzurri statuses. They have a much larger profile. But buddy, your teammates call you "America" for a reason. Giuseppe has a Jersey accent, dedicated his goals against the United States to his 'boys' in America, has avoided the Eurotrash mullet, and dresses like that kid in your high school who always tried to flash gang signs in pictures. Your an American, Giuseppe. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so good. This is a guy who has the potential, had he chosen another path, to make soccer cool in the United States, get more games on TV, and sell those weird socks that soccer kids love. This is a guy who can take on teams like Brazil, England and Spain, and single-handedly swing the outcome of the game. But hey, he 'felt Italian on the pitch'. Whatever, man.
I also find it puzzling that Azzurri fans are so quick to accept a kid who hasn't spent more than a few months of his life in Italy as one of their own, but not a guy who was born in Italy and has literally spent his whole life there. Let's hope Super Mario can change that soon.
Osaze Peter Odemwingie: Born in Tashkent to a Nigerian father and Russian mother while it was still a part of the Soviet Union, the Trey Songz lookalike spent most of his childhood in and around Moscow. He got his start in the Belgian league, moving quickly up to Lille, where he rose to prominence. Osaze is a burner on the wing, who keeps any defensive back on their toes with his deft touch and 'pace' as they call it across the pond. When it came time to pick his international team, he opted against the country of his culture, birth, and where he plays now for the Nigeria Super Eagles. Similar to Quincy, the first time he arrived in his 'country' was for a soccer game. Russia is a country that struggles with xenophobia, neo-Nazis and all around ugly racism. With the success that Victor Keirou and American journeyman J.R. Holden have had on the basketball courts for Russia, it isn't a huge stretch to think that Russian fans would accept one of their own as, well, one of their own. On the football side of things, Osaze is the type of guy who makes the difference between making the World Cup and sitting at home in Siberia in June.
Kevin-Prince Boateng: KP is the brother of previously mentioned Jerome Boateng, who will suit up for Germany in a month. A fiery character who sports maybe the best neck tat in European sports, the Prince has chosen a different path from his brother. Struggling to find his way on the wing for his native Germany, and never appearing in a game, this Boateng has opted to play for Ghana, where his descendants are from, internationally. In a wild turn of events, Germany plays Ghana in group play, which could make the Boateng's the first pair of brothers to face off in the World Cup. I have no problem with his decision, as he was never going to play for Germany, and this is his shot to play a few more games in the summer on ESPN. The only thing that I am concerned about here is the Ghanian federation's tendency to poach players on technicality from other countries. This tactic was used with Quincy, the retired German Otto Addo, and they attempted to lure Balotelli and the kid below over to the Black Stars.
Freddy Adu: Europeans love using Freddy as a retort when we complain about Giuseppe. Here's the difference. Freddy moved stateside from Ghana when he was 5. He came up in American schools. He became a pro in America at 13. He dated that girl JoJo for a few years. If he isn't American, I don't know what is. Freddy hasn't had the success many predicted, but he is still 20 and has time to blossom. Roasted, critics.
Obviously, these guys can play wherever they want to. I just wish that the idea of country was taken a little more seriously. Again, I get the moves that Boateng, Kazim, Emmerson Boyce, and countless Brazilians who moved to Croatia, Japan, or Mexico did to get themselves on the pitch more, but guys like Rossi and Hargreaves are unforgivable.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Final Four Weekend
Greetings from New Mexico.
We have a lot to cover in the next few weeks and I would like to jump back on the wagon with a look at the Final Four, which is being played in Indianapolis, Indiana, the cradle of basketball.
For starters, to me this is the most likable group of teams in some time. I know everyone hates Duke, but there is a soft spot in my heart for the way Coach Kyasrasraskski;s guys get after it.
Its also important to note that every team remaining in the field was ranked in the preseason top 10. So just because the guys on Butler's bench look like the cast of Revenge of the Nerds, don't be mislead into thinking that this achievement is much of a stretch for them.
I'm going to give you a look at all 4 clubs remaining., with strengths and weaknesses, as well as what I think of their chances.
West Virginia: The Mountaineers are the lone representatives of the Big East. If you didn't get the memo, the Big East is the greatest thing in the history of all things and anyone who disagrees is about as smart as Ron Artest. The Morgantown boys feature a bevy of long, athletic 6'8 guys who are tough as hell and can really run. In fact, other than guards Jonnie West, Joel Mazzulla, and Truck Bryant, the entire squad might just be made up of clones. Devin Ebanks, Wellington Smith, and Kevin Jones are all guys who play a very infectious brand of basketball. Look for senior leader Da'shean Butler to continue creating matchup nightmares all day long Saturday. This team gets a considerable amount of brownie points for knocking of Kentucky, a team that in this mans opinion can't receive the NCAA death penalty soon enough. This team is coached by Bob Huggins, a raging alcoholic who looks like he is getting a root canal done while his car is being towed. Honestly, old Huggy bear is the only think not to love about this team.
Chances: This team will go as far as Mazzulla takes them. Following a near career ending injury, the junior has returned and put in a gallant effort. However, as Ray Felton, Mario Chalmers, Tywon Lawson, and company can attest, the tournament is all about guard play. If Mazzulla goes down or gets in foul trouble, the Mountaineers must rely on West, a walk on who plays about as often as I do.
Duke: Hated by, well, everyone but me, the Blue Devils return to the final four for the first time since the Luol Deng era (2004 for heads that don't know). Coach K's outfit is actually fairly similar to their opponents y from Morgantown. Short on guard depth but long on solid bigs, the Blue Devils thrive on rebounding and kick outs to Nolan Smith and Jon Scheyer. With only three guards getting any run, Duke counts on this dynamic duo to play nearly the entire game. Look for do-everything swingman Kyle Singler to play a big role in breaking down the Mountaineer's 1-3-1 defense. Bigs Brian Zoubek, Lance Thomas and the Plumlee brothers get their points off of second chances. This team is very good at offensive rebounding. Coach K (his name is pretty hard to spell) is one of the most hated figures in the NCAA for many fans, but you have to give credit where its do and recognize him as one of the all time greats in college hoops.
Chances: You can pretty much copy and paste what was written about the Mountaineers in previous paragraphs. I think Nolan Smith is decidedly more talented than Mazzulla, but the West Virginia quarterback more than held his own against John Wall, the greatest athlete in the history of sport and somebody from which we can all learn a thing or two from about life. I will say this. If the Blue Devils don't win this year, you have to like next years chances. Zoubek and Thomas are replaced by younger McDonalds All American centers, and the Blue Devils welcome proven scorer Seth Curry to the mix. Don't sleep on Kyrie Irving either, who in this man's opinion might just be the best senior in the nation right now.
Michigan State: All Tom Izzo has done is put a ton of guys in the NBA, make exactly half of the Final 4s since 1998, and dress up like an idiot at midnight madness. How on earth does anyone think that John Calipari and Rick Pitino, who by the way dresses like he got kicked out of a Date Dash, can even hold a candle to this guy? This year the Spartans have gotten this far with their best player, Kalin Lucas, sitting on the bench. I don't see a ton of Big Ten ball on the idiot box out in Tucson, so forgive me for at one point thinking that his replacement, Korie Lucious, was the same guy. Korie has stepped up big time, in very similar fashion to the often mentioned Mazzulla. Raymar Morgan is another stud to look out for, but I think the key for MSU is Durrell Summers, who is averaging a cool 20 a game this tourney. Coach Izzo is yet another Hall of Famer in this tourney, and a guy that I wish got more love from ESPN than he does.
Chances: It seems everyone is sleeping on this team, which happens a lot. The Spartans are great at forcing their opponents to adapt to them, and they constantly control the tempo. I would never bet against an Izzo team.
Butler: I'm sure your familiar with the story of the hometown boys who play on the set of Hoosiers. The Bulldogs are incredibly confident. Gordon Hayward, a wiry, 6'9 former tennis sensation, might be playing the best basketball in the country right now. If its not him, it's 6'3 220 pound lead guard Shelvin Mack. Both of these guys dictate the tempo of the game, and also have no problem hitting big shot after shot. These guys love step-back threes. Inside, Matt Howard has to do a better job staying out of foul trouble than he did in the Elite Eight against K State. Avery Jukes, his backup, is simply too limited to rely on down low. Ronald Nored and Willie Veasley are crafty defensive whizzes with the speed to get to the basket, taking what the defense gives them. Coach Brad Stevens might be the most skilled X and O guy remaining in the field. The 33 year old, who is going on 13 (He and Hayward are rumored to play on the same little league club) has an uncanny knack for halftime adjustments, inbounds calls, and determining who should take shots. I have a feeling this is the start of something big for the former pharmaceutical rep.
Chances: The bottom line here is that Mack and Hayward have to continue to play at the high level we have seen from them in the tournament. If Matt Howard stays out of foul trouble, and the dynamic duo can keep these guys within striking distance, Coach Stevens might be the evil genius who shocks the world.
Regardless of how the Bulldogs do, I have been pumped all week to see these guys run out of the tunnel Saturday. It has been repeated ad nauseam, but Lucas Oil Field is going to be full of Indianians (Indiaygons? Indianoans?) who are ready to get behind the hometown kids. These big, expensive venues are also chock full of people with no rooting interest, prime targets to get swept up in Cinderella Magic if Butler does in fact make a run at this thing.
This might be the last tournament with a 65 team field. I know its all about money, I truly get it and am ok with it, but watch the NIT and tell me that there are any more deserving teams out there. As far as the product on the floor goes, all this expansion is going to do is keep crappy coaches like Ernie Kent and whoever perennial bubble clubs like Michigan, SDSU, Seton Hall, and company from losing their jobs. Bottom line, if you aren't at least capable of playing good teams, and winning, why should you be in the tournament? I don't get it either folks. I hope you enjoyed my comeback as much as I loved writing it.
I am also not making predictions on the games because I guarantee you something crazy happens this weekend in Indy. Keep it locked on the Real Talk.
Monday, February 8, 2010
God Bless Vegas
An interesting take on Las Vegas from Penn Jillette, who is perhaps more widely known as the bigger, talking half of the Magic duo Penn & Teller. I've never been a huge fan of Penn, but President Obama recently took a jab at one of my favorite places, and I won't stand for it either. Here is what Mr. Jillette had to say.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/02/08/jillette.obama.vegas/index.html?hpt=T2
http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/02/08/jillette.obama.vegas/index.html?hpt=T2
Monday, February 1, 2010
Zona
Today, on February 1st, in Tucson it was 68 degrees with lots of sunshine. I have no doubt the weather at my school was better than the weather at yours. Recognize.
Stay tuned for why college basketball is better than the NBA, which I have been working on for quite some time now, as well as more reasons why U of A owns ASU in every way possible.
Stay tuned for why college basketball is better than the NBA, which I have been working on for quite some time now, as well as more reasons why U of A owns ASU in every way possible.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Senior Night
I normally wouldn't post multimedia from another website, but its College Gameday week here in Tucson. A relatively unknown program that ESPN has is the Road Trip, and this week they stopped in Tucson, most notably at one of my favorite hangouts, Frog & Firkin. I just felt that everyone needed to see this to recognize that my university is better than yours. To quote Channing Frye, "U of A is the greatest school in the history of schools."
http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4674185
Because the game this week is senior night, and it is my (2nd) senior year, I will be giving you a rundown of the things that I will miss the most about this place. In my half decade in Tucson, I have enjoyed many great times, with many great people, in a lot of different places.
Here's my list, in no particular order (they are all great):
Frog & Firkin: We all know and love it as Frog. Great food, a ton of my bros work there, and you can always count on a ton of Arizona's most 'talented' female students being there. They have a solid selection of beers, a great location to people watch, and honestly, with the weather that we have in AZ having an outdoor hangout is a must.
Sorority Recruitment: I don't know about you, but a big selling point in U of A's favor when I was applying was the aforementioned talent. A great deal of this talent belongs to the bigger sororities here on campus. Recruitment happens before classes actually start, which wasn't always the case, but I think that things work better this way. One thing that is critical to the Arizona experience is the school spirit. This ties directly into sororities as I think the culmination of recruitment gets everyone (bros and bras both) real jacked for the semester to start. Running of the Bulls is awesome. It gives you a chance to scout potential stars of the rookie class. What happens is that the girls pick up there bids to find who they were matched up with, and traditionally (not always the case) they run to their new sorority and all of their new best friends. This ends a period during which sorostitutes, and rushees (is that even a word) are not allowed to go out and have any fun at all, which is probably the only bad thing about sorority recruitment. To me, it is the perfect kickoff to school at the greatest university there is.
Football Games: For a kid who goes to a basketball school, I enjoy football a little too much. However, for students, game day is pretty tough to top. Generally tailgates start hours before kickoff, and while I won't go into details (your welcome mom and dad) these are awesome. And honestly, who doesn't like the girls in those Zona Zoo shirts? If your a guy and you don't, then stop reading this, never talk to me again, and join the clergy right now. Then there's the actual game. While I don't love the seating arrangement, in fact a word comes to mind that rhymes with 'mustard duck", our student section is pretty tough to beat. In fact, its nationally recognized as one of the top student sections in the country. All of these things combined with my favorite sport add up to some of my favorite days on campus.
After the Game: This is something that a a lot of people have no idea about, which is a damn shame. Following home games, the band, cheerleaders, and a couple other spirit groups perform out in front of heritage hill, near the admin building. Playing "Bear Down" and a host of other songs, the performance ends with a ringing of the USS Arizona bell, which is both haunting and badass at the same time. To me, this experience showcases the pageantry that makes college football unique, and at least in my opinion, the greatest sport in the world.
Oceanography: Everyone takes this class. I failed the first exam, and still got over 100 percent in the class. Taking 'Ocean' is a great opportunity to hang out with your bros on campus, people watch (generally there are hundreds of students in the class, including athletes and sorostitutes alike) and take a step back to middle school. This is the only class I have taken in college where drawing is a big part of your grade. Look, if your GPA sucks, register for this mother and you'll get the gist of what I'm talking about.
Dirtbags: A lot of people will give me a tough time for this. Let me start by saying that generally, there are a lot of tools, chads, or whatever hanging out at this bar. That part I don't like, and for many people, to an extent understandably so, that is is a deal breaker. However, there is no place in Tucson that really embodies what a classic college bar should like Fratbags does. The bathrooms are revolting. The music sucks. In fact, Neil Diamond might be the newest artist they have. But look at the walls. All types of classic U of A moments captured in photos. License plates that are promoting Arizona or degrading ASU. Plus, honestly, the talent I keep talking about. If you are a red-blooded male, you cannot at least admire the clientele at this place. Maybe even talk to one or two of them. Also, and I hate to namedrop (OK that's a blatant lie) but many members of the staff here tend to know who my friends and I are, and even what we order. A lot can be said for having a place like this to call your own. Regardless, this place reminds me of the Hollywood idea of college, for better or worse. If nothing else, it is an interesting atmosphere to delve into for a couple hours a week.
Homecoming/Spring Fling: I lump these two together because they are pretty similar. Both are week long celebrations of a weekend event. Both have nothing really do to with said event. The reason that I love these weeks are the week of parties that precede said event. I have never physically been to the Spring Fling Carnival. But honestly, 5 nights of theme parties, hydration, and meeting girls is pretty awesome. It also just so happens, probably due to how much Jesus loves me, that I never have any homework due during these weeks, so I can eschew many of the responsibilities that I normally would have in favor of a good time. The added bonus is the weekend for homecoming, which includes a football game, and many of your friends who have moved on returning to relive the glory days.
Date Dashes: You you get a date (although this is not always a set-in-stone requirement at some sororities), a stupid costume (read previous note) and ride a bus to some undisclosed location where there is a dance floor and a crappy bar, as well as lots of microwaved snacks to enjoy. I know that wasn't the most endearing description, but you have to live these to understand them. Honestly, every chance I get to wear a crappy blazer, or a drawn on mustache, or a Penny Hardaway college throwback (only 14 bucks and better than any jersey ANYONE else has) I take it. Notice the theme here. Look, if you don't get it, come to U of A for the girls. It will make you regret ever wanting to go someplace like Kansas or Indiana or Holy Cross. Trust me here.
Greek Life: Having 100 best friends. Having a location on campus where you can do whatever you want. Instant access to any club or resource on campus. 100 best friends. Rolling deep. Spring Fling. Date Dashes. Homecoming. Late Nights. Bars. Bags. Beta. Battlestar Galactica.(KIDDING) Potential New Members. Dude, rush. It is the best decision you will ever make and you will not regret one second of it. I can't emphasize enough how awesome it is to join an organization along the lines of mine. The past 4 years have been incredible for me, and if you want the college experience, rush. We are not paying for friends. In fact, we are generally paying so that our friends are insured in case they are hurt. I can't explain this via words on the Internet, at least enough to give the Greek community justice. All I can say is, find a house where you fit, get a bid, and join it.
Honorable Mention:
Basketball games
the ILC
D2L
the Rec Center
Lecture Halls
Labor Day Vegas Trip (a later column when I get more famous than I already am)
The U of A mall.
Highland Breakfast Burritos
4th Ave
Sorority Kitchens on weekends
I am terrified of this game. Not only of the machine that is the Oregon Ducks, but because it is my last home game as an undergrad. The next time the 'Cats play in Arizona Stadium, I will be wearing a tie. Enjoy every second that you get at this school, don't take anybody or anything for granted. This is the greatest place on earth. On the Real, I'm going to miss this place, and everyone here. Come back soon for more Real Talk
http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4674185
Because the game this week is senior night, and it is my (2nd) senior year, I will be giving you a rundown of the things that I will miss the most about this place. In my half decade in Tucson, I have enjoyed many great times, with many great people, in a lot of different places.
Here's my list, in no particular order (they are all great):
Frog & Firkin: We all know and love it as Frog. Great food, a ton of my bros work there, and you can always count on a ton of Arizona's most 'talented' female students being there. They have a solid selection of beers, a great location to people watch, and honestly, with the weather that we have in AZ having an outdoor hangout is a must.
Sorority Recruitment: I don't know about you, but a big selling point in U of A's favor when I was applying was the aforementioned talent. A great deal of this talent belongs to the bigger sororities here on campus. Recruitment happens before classes actually start, which wasn't always the case, but I think that things work better this way. One thing that is critical to the Arizona experience is the school spirit. This ties directly into sororities as I think the culmination of recruitment gets everyone (bros and bras both) real jacked for the semester to start. Running of the Bulls is awesome. It gives you a chance to scout potential stars of the rookie class. What happens is that the girls pick up there bids to find who they were matched up with, and traditionally (not always the case) they run to their new sorority and all of their new best friends. This ends a period during which sorostitutes, and rushees (is that even a word) are not allowed to go out and have any fun at all, which is probably the only bad thing about sorority recruitment. To me, it is the perfect kickoff to school at the greatest university there is.
Football Games: For a kid who goes to a basketball school, I enjoy football a little too much. However, for students, game day is pretty tough to top. Generally tailgates start hours before kickoff, and while I won't go into details (your welcome mom and dad) these are awesome. And honestly, who doesn't like the girls in those Zona Zoo shirts? If your a guy and you don't, then stop reading this, never talk to me again, and join the clergy right now. Then there's the actual game. While I don't love the seating arrangement, in fact a word comes to mind that rhymes with 'mustard duck", our student section is pretty tough to beat. In fact, its nationally recognized as one of the top student sections in the country. All of these things combined with my favorite sport add up to some of my favorite days on campus.
After the Game: This is something that a a lot of people have no idea about, which is a damn shame. Following home games, the band, cheerleaders, and a couple other spirit groups perform out in front of heritage hill, near the admin building. Playing "Bear Down" and a host of other songs, the performance ends with a ringing of the USS Arizona bell, which is both haunting and badass at the same time. To me, this experience showcases the pageantry that makes college football unique, and at least in my opinion, the greatest sport in the world.
Oceanography: Everyone takes this class. I failed the first exam, and still got over 100 percent in the class. Taking 'Ocean' is a great opportunity to hang out with your bros on campus, people watch (generally there are hundreds of students in the class, including athletes and sorostitutes alike) and take a step back to middle school. This is the only class I have taken in college where drawing is a big part of your grade. Look, if your GPA sucks, register for this mother and you'll get the gist of what I'm talking about.
Dirtbags: A lot of people will give me a tough time for this. Let me start by saying that generally, there are a lot of tools, chads, or whatever hanging out at this bar. That part I don't like, and for many people, to an extent understandably so, that is is a deal breaker. However, there is no place in Tucson that really embodies what a classic college bar should like Fratbags does. The bathrooms are revolting. The music sucks. In fact, Neil Diamond might be the newest artist they have. But look at the walls. All types of classic U of A moments captured in photos. License plates that are promoting Arizona or degrading ASU. Plus, honestly, the talent I keep talking about. If you are a red-blooded male, you cannot at least admire the clientele at this place. Maybe even talk to one or two of them. Also, and I hate to namedrop (OK that's a blatant lie) but many members of the staff here tend to know who my friends and I are, and even what we order. A lot can be said for having a place like this to call your own. Regardless, this place reminds me of the Hollywood idea of college, for better or worse. If nothing else, it is an interesting atmosphere to delve into for a couple hours a week.
Homecoming/Spring Fling: I lump these two together because they are pretty similar. Both are week long celebrations of a weekend event. Both have nothing really do to with said event. The reason that I love these weeks are the week of parties that precede said event. I have never physically been to the Spring Fling Carnival. But honestly, 5 nights of theme parties, hydration, and meeting girls is pretty awesome. It also just so happens, probably due to how much Jesus loves me, that I never have any homework due during these weeks, so I can eschew many of the responsibilities that I normally would have in favor of a good time. The added bonus is the weekend for homecoming, which includes a football game, and many of your friends who have moved on returning to relive the glory days.
Date Dashes: You you get a date (although this is not always a set-in-stone requirement at some sororities), a stupid costume (read previous note) and ride a bus to some undisclosed location where there is a dance floor and a crappy bar, as well as lots of microwaved snacks to enjoy. I know that wasn't the most endearing description, but you have to live these to understand them. Honestly, every chance I get to wear a crappy blazer, or a drawn on mustache, or a Penny Hardaway college throwback (only 14 bucks and better than any jersey ANYONE else has) I take it. Notice the theme here. Look, if you don't get it, come to U of A for the girls. It will make you regret ever wanting to go someplace like Kansas or Indiana or Holy Cross. Trust me here.
Greek Life: Having 100 best friends. Having a location on campus where you can do whatever you want. Instant access to any club or resource on campus. 100 best friends. Rolling deep. Spring Fling. Date Dashes. Homecoming. Late Nights. Bars. Bags. Beta. Battlestar Galactica.(KIDDING) Potential New Members. Dude, rush. It is the best decision you will ever make and you will not regret one second of it. I can't emphasize enough how awesome it is to join an organization along the lines of mine. The past 4 years have been incredible for me, and if you want the college experience, rush. We are not paying for friends. In fact, we are generally paying so that our friends are insured in case they are hurt. I can't explain this via words on the Internet, at least enough to give the Greek community justice. All I can say is, find a house where you fit, get a bid, and join it.
Honorable Mention:
Basketball games
the ILC
D2L
the Rec Center
Lecture Halls
Labor Day Vegas Trip (a later column when I get more famous than I already am)
The U of A mall.
Highland Breakfast Burritos
4th Ave
Sorority Kitchens on weekends
I am terrified of this game. Not only of the machine that is the Oregon Ducks, but because it is my last home game as an undergrad. The next time the 'Cats play in Arizona Stadium, I will be wearing a tie. Enjoy every second that you get at this school, don't take anybody or anything for granted. This is the greatest place on earth. On the Real, I'm going to miss this place, and everyone here. Come back soon for more Real Talk
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