ITS FINALLY HERE!!!!

I'd like to start tonight's proceedings by thanking whoever my 7th follower is. Heaven forbid I reach double digits; I will quit my day job. Which is funny because...well...lets not get into that one. Some ramblings and my world cup preview on el docket. (See what I did there, Suns/Spurs/Laker fans?!)

I'm going to hold off on discussing PAC-10 expansion. I will say this: when news of 6 new teams joining the conference of champions broke, I was staunchly opposed. However, the more I think about it, the more I like it. If it becomes the Sweet 16 or whatever, that means our football team only has to play the Oregon Ducks, USC, the Cal Bears, and other teams/school I despise for no reason once every 4 years. That would be awesome. Also, we would get a new network, which means no more watching FSN 'broadcasts' with all that scotch tape covering camera lenses. More on that as it develops.

Apparently there was an oil spill somewhere recently, and all those annoying people who love protesting for the sake of protesting jumped on board the blame-mobile. Look, that eurotrash MNC British Petroleum, our President, and lazy employees deserve blame. But instead of trying to figure out whose fault it was why don't we try and fix the problem, whether its alternative energy, drilling in safer areas, or whatever. There's plenty of time for messy lawsuits and weirdo's embarrassing themselves on CNN and Fox News later on down the road.

If you despise Kobe Bryant and the LA Lakers, who were stolen from the great city of Minneapolis decades ago, then I suggest you read Bill Simmons live chats during the NBA finals. Glorious. Honestly, anyone with a soul/pulse/ounce of good within their bodies will find his musings and polls to be nothing short of riveting.

Count this guy as THRILLED with USC's punishment. The loss of 30 scholarships is huge, and will hopefully set them back years if not decades. Lets get all of those BP/Arizona Immigration protestors together with those creepy Tea Party folks and stop USC from finding an ambulance chaser that can appeal this thing.

Ok, that was a lot. Keep up; this is where it really gets good.

I'm going to give you a group-by-group breakdown, featuring each team, its nickname, who I think will advance, a key player for each squad, and a fun fact about all 32 sides in the cup!










Group A:
South Africa
Bafana Bafana
X Factor: Teko Modise, Midfielder
Fun Fact: Until fairly recently, starting goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune harbored plans to pursue a cricket career.
Mexico
El Tri
X Factor: Gio dos Santos, Winger
Fun Fact: Mexico has never lost to the United States at home ground Estadio Azteca. Outside of Italy I cannot think of a team I despise more
Uruguay
Los Charruas
X Factor: Sebastian Abreu, Forward.
Fun Fact: Uruguay’s motto is ‘libertad o muerte’, which when translated doesn’t sound much different from a famous quote from American patriot Patrick Henry.
France
Les Bleus
X Factor: Florent Malouda, Winger
Fun Fact: striker and funnyman Thierry Henry will ply his trade in New York City next season for the vaunted Red Bulls
Prediction: Mexico and Uruguay move forward, Bafana Bafana becomes the first host to fail to advance. Regardless, I am cheering for the underdog hosts to get as far as possible.

Group B:
Argentina
Albiceleste
X Factor: Juan Sebastian Veron, Midfielder
Fun Fact: Should Argentina win the whole thing, basketcase coach (and recipient of gastric bypass surgery) Diego Maradona has promised to run naked throughout the streets.
Nigeria
Super Eagles
X Factor: Obafemi Martins, Forward
Fun Fact: All three goalkeepers on the roster play pro ball in Israel.
South Korea
Taeguk Warriors
X Factor: Park Chu-Young, Forward
Fun Fact: Midfielder Park Ji Sung was quietly the second highest earning member of Manchester United in 2009, after Wayne Rooney
Greece
To Piratiko
X Factor: Sotiris Ninis, Midfielder
Fun Fact: Despite not being a traditional power, the Greeks took home championship hardware at Euro 2008.
Prediction: Argentina and South Korea advance. If Argentina’s coach gets it right, accidentally or otherwise, they can win the whole thing.

Group C:
England
The Three Lions
X Factor: Glen Johnson, Right Back
Fun Fact: Whenever England faces off against Germany, fans engage in an unruly chant dubbed “Two World Wars and One World Cup.” Soccer hooligans are strange folk.
USA
The Yanks
X Factor: Carlos Bocanegra, Left Back.
Fun Fact: Winger Clint ‘deuce’ Dempsey moonlights as a (terrible) rapper.
Algeria
Desert Foxes
X Factor: Karim Ziani, Attacking Midfielder
Fun Fact: 17 members of Algeria’s 23-man squad were born in France.
Slovenia
Zmajceki
X Factor: Robert Koren, Midfielder
Fun Fact: Slovenia is rather new to the world scene, having achieved independence in 1991.
Prediction: England and the United States are the top best teams in this group, and should be able to get out of the group stage. Don’t discount the France JV squad I mean Algeria, a team deep with solid English Premier League veterans.

Group D:
Germany
Die Mannschaft (They might want to go ahead and find something that doesn’t translate so um…well)
X Factor: Mesut Ozil, Midfielder
Fun Fact: In great news, Adolf Hitler would be rolling in his grave. Germany features players of Polish, Turkish, Spanish, Nigerian, Ghanaian, and Brazilian descent.
Australia
The Socceroos
X Factor: Harry Kewell, Forward.
Fun Fact: If Kewell isn’t good to go, Jesus will be on the side of the Aussies. Joshua “Jesus” Kennedy, that is.
Serbia
Beli Orlovi
X Factor: Nemanja Vidic, Defender
Fun Fact: Towering Defender Neven Subotic moved as a teenager to Utah and at one point intended to play ball for the Yanks.
Ghana
The Black Stars
X Factor: Sulley Muntari, Midfieler
Fun Fact: Goalkeeper Richard Kingson’s name was misspelled on his 2006 World Cup Jersey. Younger brother and fellow pro Laryea opted to keep the mistake, going with ‘Kingston’ as his adopted last name.
Prediction: Germany and Serbia advance. You know those teams in tournaments that everyone begins talking about as a ‘team nobody is talking about’? That’s Serbia. Also notable to watch: How Germany handles Ghana’s Kevin-Prince Boateng. Not only will the winger be matched up directly with his brother, Jerome (the two were born and raised in Germany) but KP knocked former German captain Michael Ballack out of the tournament on a nasty tackle. How physical the German’s get with a former brother in arms will go a long way in determining the direction of this group.

Group E:
Netherlands
Clockwork Orange
X Factor: Dirk Kuyt, Forward
Fun Fact: Reserve forward Ryan Babel and American midfielder DaMarcus Beasley might be the same guy.
Denmark
The Danish Dynamite
X Factor: Patrick Mtiliga, Defender
Fun Fact: Coach Morten Olsen played for Denmark in the 1986 World Cup
Japan
The Blue Samurai
X Factor: Yui Nakazawa, Defender
Fun Fact: Nakazawa’s backfield mate, Marcus Tulio Tanaka, was born in Brazil and moved to Japan as a youth.
Cameroon
The Indomitable Lions
X Factor: Carlos Kameni, Goalkeeper
Fun Fact: Cameroon’s trip to the quarterfinals in 1990, led by the ageless Roger Milla, is the furthest any African team has gotten in a World Cup
Prediction: Cameroon advances, and carries the banner as best African team in the tournament. Goalkeeper Kameni plays for big time Espanyol in Spain, Samuel Eto’o is among the most dangerous players in the tourney, and 20-year-old center back Nicolas Nkoulou is a rising star. The Netherlands will also advance. If Toby Flenderson look-alikes Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder can stop bickering over whose hairline is disappearing the fastest, the Netherlands has the goods to go all the way.

Group F:
Italy
The Azzurri
X Factor: Danielle de Rossi, Midfielder
Fun Fact: American striker and traitor Giuseppe Rossi didn’t make the team! He is on record stating that he will watch the tournament from the United States. I am not questioning his decision-making nor am I celebrating the fact he is watching on a couch like me at all. That last part, btw, was said with my ‘lying face’.
Paraguay
La Albirroja
X Factor: Oscar Cardozo, Striker
Fun Fact: The landlocked nation has made it to 4 straight world cups.
New Zealand
The All Whites (I would like to pick defender Winston Reid’s brain about this name choice)
X Factor: Ryan Nelson, Defender
Fun Fact: Midfielder Jeremy Christie earns his living playing for a semi-pro team in the United States called the Tampa Bay Rowdies. I’m only about 40% sure that’s even a real team.
Slovakia
Repre
X Factor: Martin Skrtel, Defender
Fun Fact: Slovakia and Slovenia have a golden opportunity this summer to prove that they are, as has long been the rumor, different countries.
Prediction: If Italy doesn’t win this group I will be shocked. Paraguay is the other team that makes it out of this garbage grab bag. New Zealand might just be the worst team in the tournament; I expect them to be about as successful as Travis Henry’s attempt at being a good father.

Group G:
Brazil
Selecao
X Factor: Dani Alves, Supersub
Fun Fact: This team is so deep that starters for AC Milan, Real Madrid, and Manchester United didn’t even make it onto the bench.
North Korea
The Chollima
X Factor: Hong Yong-Jo, Forward
Fun Fact: Many of the players on this team are on a pro club in North Korea called April 25, made up of members of the military. Also, with the exception of Jong Tae-se, who hails from Japan, the entire team appears to get the exact same mediocre 2-dollar haircut.
Ivory Coast
The Elephants
X Factor: Boubacar Barry, Goalkeeper
Fun Fact: Midfielder Abdul-Kader Keita has a great collection of Newera fitted baseball caps.
Portugal
Selecao Das Quinas
X Factor: Lleidson, Forward
Fun Fact: The Portuguese side has players from several countries, notably the Congo, Angola, Mozambique, Brazil, and Cape Verde in the past few years. Most notable among that group is Brazilian maestro Deco.
Prediction: Brazil gets out, and if the Ivory Coast can get anything out of injured superstar Didier Drogba, they also advance. I would go so far as to label the Elephants as dark horse title contenders if they had better keeping. This group intrigues me because we have no idea how North Korea will do. They gave up almost no goals in qualifying, train in complete secrecy, and are aided by a budding superstar in Jong who is sure to attract interest from Europe with a big tournament.

Group H:
Spain
La Furia Roja
X Factor: Joan Capdevilla, Left Back
Fun Fact: For all the firepower, tradition among domestic clubs, and legendary talent, the Spaniards best finish in a World Cup is 4th back in 1950.
Switzerland
Schweizer Nati
X Factor: Tranquilo Barnetta, Midfielder
Fun Fact: Midfielder Gelson Fernandes was born in the Cape Verde Islands. I have never seen a nation’s supply of athletes get pillaged, or a mass exodus of citizens to Europe, on such a large scale. If the tiny Atlantic archipelago could get its guys to play for the home team they would be a force to be reckoned with.
Honduras
Los Catrachios
X Factor: Hendry Thomas, Defensive Midfielder
Fun Fact: I can’t stand the guy, and neither can anyone who follows the team, but American defender Jonathan Bornstein is a hero down in Honduras after scoring a game-winner against Costa Rica, which knocked Ticos out and placing Honduras in the World Cup. Fast Forward to about 20 seconds, take a deep breath, and take in this reaction to Bornstein’s goal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjOv0rJYyF8 NOTE: Other than GOAL and ESTADOS UNITOS, I have absolutely no idea what these guys are saying, but happiness and going crazy during games doesn’t need any translation.
Chile
La Roja
X Factor: Arturo Vidal, Defender
Fun Fact: Striker Humberto Suazo is probably the fattest player in the tournament.
Predictions: Spain advances and is a legitimate title contender. Chile is my sleeper pick to do some damage, they are the other team getting out of group H.


Brazil wins it all.

I hope, if you have the opportunity, you check out tomorrow’s South Africa game. The pageantry, atmosphere, and skill level should be outstanding. Keep reading, and I’ll keep writing.